| First Post in a LONG Time |
[20 May 2008|08:19pm] |
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Meme taken from TanukiVoodoo. And hello again all!
1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Mother and Father's middle name):
Rene' Micheal
2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad):
William George
3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name):
Pfage
4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favourite colour, favourite animal):
Red Dashound
5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born):
Michelle Independence
6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav colour, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning):
The Black Dr. Pepper
7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 3 letters of your last name):
Geser
8. GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavour, fav cookie)
Cookies and Cream Oatmeal
9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pets name, current street name):
Harold Tucker Terrace
10. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy):
Sensual Amber Kit Kat
11. PORN NAME: (1st pets name, street you grew up on)
Snoop 2800
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| Am I Capable? |
[09 Apr 2007|05:40pm] |
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 discontent |
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I swear it is very tiresome being me. I am one of the most nice, giving, caring people that I know and it is killing me. I want to make others happy so much that it is what I live my life by. But usually I do not get anything in return. I'm not looking for physical things in return but generally just a thank you. More often than not I feel very unappreciated for the things I do and that kills me. I work so so hard to make others happy and I feel so walked on, used and thrown away.
So this is my dilemma. Am I capable of finding a halfway point? Can I still help others the way I want to but not let it run me down?
Or am I going to end up on one end of the spectrum? Am I going to keep helping others no matter what it does to me or am I going to lose my emotions and my ability to care?
I have noticed that I have started down the road of not caring at all about anything and have started losing some of my emotions. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to become like a hallow shell.
So basically this is something that I am fighting right now in my life. I welcome any prayers, thoughts, comments and advice that any of you have to give me.
Much love to you all.
*hugs*
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| Little Sis |
[27 Feb 2007|06:28pm] |
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 worried |
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The other day I got a call from my little sister. She proceeded to tell me that she has been really depressed lately and had resorted to cutting herself three different times. It hit me really hard cause she is my baby sister and I would do anything to protect her. I feel really bad cause I'm not there to give her a shoulder to cry on or to be a strong person to look up to anymore. When I was a little younger than her I did the same thing. Our parents were so bad about emotionally abusing my sister and I that I just wanted to give myself a new pain to take away the pain I was feeling all the time. I thought about suicide a few times and I am scared that my little sis will do something to *really* harm herself. I'm afraid that she is going to cut herself and it be more than just scratches to give her a new pain.
*sigh* I was hoping that my sister wouldn't have to deal with this like I did.
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| Best Game as a ST |
[19 Feb 2007|05:32pm] |
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At the game this last Saturday was probably the best game I've ever had as a storyteller. At the beginning of game an idea popped into my head. I wasn't really sure where I was going to go with the idea but kept it in the back of my mind in case someone was bored and wanted a small story. Game started out slow cause of the small number of people and it didn't take long to see that a group was looking bored. So I rolled up my ST sleeves and decided to start the small (I figured one scene worth) plot. After the scene was over I guess each player took what happened even farther and spread it out over the rest of the players at the game. It didn't take long before I realized that almost everyone was chasing after my plot. By this time I was uber busy cause I didn't tell Joe or Kendall anything about the plot so I was running it by myself. Game finally ended with almost every character taking part in the climax of the plot and people coming up to me to tell me how much fun they had and how much they enjoyed the story I gave them.
I didn't get to play my character during game that night because I was so busy with the plot, but I honestly didn't mind. I was having a lot of fun doing what I was doing. I definitely feel like for the first time as a ST I brought my A-game and the players responded back by giving me theirs. So thanks to everyone who was there for a great game! : D
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| $$$ |
[23 Jan 2007|01:19pm] |
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Well it is back to school time once again for my husband and I. And with going back to school there is the crappy fact that we must buy books. This semester Jarrod and I broke our record for the money we spent on books for previous semesters. This year our combined bill for books was somewhere between $900 and $1000. And the really sad part is that we will get no where near any of that back when we sell them back to the school at the end of the semester. We will maybe get a quarter of that back and that is if we are really, really lucky.
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| Post Surgery Update |
[10 Jan 2007|05:21pm] |
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sick |
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Hey everybody!
I just wanted to give an update on how I am doing. I went in for my tonsillectomy on January 3rd and the recovery for me has been really rough. Not only have I had terrible pain from the surgery but I have been very nauseous. I've been throwing up almost everyday and trust me it hurts like hell. Everything makes me nauseous and I mean everything. I am so ready to eat normal food again and to be able to get out of this house. I haven't been able to eat anything since the surgery and so I went from weighing 164 the day of the surgery to weighing 147 now. Please pray for me to get better soon and keep me in your thoughts. I love you all and I can't wait to see you everybody again.
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| Finally a Decision by a Doctor |
[06 Dec 2006|11:49am] |
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Well I went to the doctor for like the 10th time today for my throat and the decision has been made. After the first of the year I will be having my tonsils removed. So much fun for the Neva over Christmas break.
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| Neva Throat Watch 2006 |
[04 Oct 2006|07:34pm] |
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mood |
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I know you all have been on the edge of your seats waiting to hear what is wrong with my throat. Well I went to the ear, nose an throat specialist and he said...... he doesn't know what is wrong with my throat. : | He asked me a whole bunch of questions trying to find out my throat's history with tonsillitis. But none of my answers worked with his possible diagnosis. He said my throat looks like one that has had a lifetime of cronic tonsillitis but I haven't. *shrugs*
So he told me that to take Claritin every morning in case it is allergy related and to take Pepcid AC every night in case it is acid reflux related. I am supposed to do that everyday for a few weeks and if it gets better then yay me. But if it doesn't get any better or gets worse then I am going to have to have my tonsils removed over Christmas break. The reason why I would have to wait that long is because the doctor told me that the average recovery time for a Tonsillectomy for someone my age is about 2 weeks. I can't afford to miss that much school so Christmas break is the only real chance I'll get before this next Summer. I really don't want to have to go through this surgery if I can help it but I am so tired of this swollen throat and not having an actual disease that a surgery sounds pretty good right now. *sigh*
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| Throat Update |
[02 Oct 2006|02:38pm] |
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So today I went back to the doctor again to find out the results of the throat swab they did. Of course the results came back typical. The are no unusal bacteria in the back of my throat and so again the doctors are stumped to what is wrong. So I go back in again on Wednesday (5th time in 3 weeks) to see a ear, nose and throat specialist. I just want to know what is wrong. *sigh* Hopefully this doctor can tell me but if not then there is a big chance that I will have to have my tonsils taken out.
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| The Unknown |
[29 Sep 2006|01:36pm] |
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mood |
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cranky |
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Ok so Sunday September 17 I woke up with a terrible swollen throat. Swollen but not sore at all. I went to the doctor that Wednesday because my throat was so swollen that I could hardly breathe. They gave me antibiotics cause they didn't know what it was but figured that the antibiotics would help.
Skip forward to yesterday. (Thursday) I go in again after finishing all my pills and my throat is still really swollen. They decide that they are going to do a troat swab and culture. That means they are going to take a long q-tip, swab the back of my throat and then take it to a lab to see what grows. They also decided that they needed to take some blood to test me for Mono and to see if it is an airborn diease. Of course the nurse who does so can't ever seem to do it and butchers my arm up in the process. The doctor is then called in to take the blood herself from my other arm and does so with great ease and little pain. The real sad thing about this is that it is the same nurse and the same doctor who took my blood last time I had a swollen throat. Next time lets just let the doctor do it so I don't have to go through the double sore arm part. *sigh*
Skip forward to today. (Friday) I go in to find out the results of my blood test. I go in and am basically told that my blood rocks and that there is nothing visibly wrong with it. At all. So now I have to go back in on Monday to find out what has grown from the swab of the back of my throat.
I guess what bothers me the most is everyone of the nurses and doctors that have seen my throat say that it looks terrible but they have no clue what it is. The sad thing is I don't even really feel that sick. I just want to know why I can barely breathe or swallow and why my throat looks so terrible. Oh and this is also the second time I've gone in with a swollen throat and they didn't know what it was. It went away last time by itself so lets hope it does so again.
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| Geek Moment |
[25 Jul 2006|03:55am] |
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Ok I know I'm being a Geek but I have news from Comic Con that I would like to share for those who don't know. : )
~Spider man 3 will have Venom in it played by Topher Grace.
~In the upcoming Transformers movie in 2007 they got Peter Cullen (the man who did the voice in the cartoons) to do the voice of Optimus Prime.
I am rather psyched about both movies and yes that was my geek moment for the day.
*hugs to all*
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| Good and Evil Within My Soul |
[21 Jun 2006|12:02am] |
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As I sit here the loneliness, worthlessness, nothingness creeps in, chilling my soul.
I feel nothing.
I am nothing.
Nothing.
Worthless.
I must be something of worth to someone.
no.
you are nothing.
a burden.
a slap in the face to those around you.
they hate you.
despise you.
you make their world worse just by breathing the same air.
think of the pain you cause.
you are pointless.
you are nothing.
NO!
I must be of worth.
Someone must love me.
There has to be someone that I can make happy.
Someone.
Anyone.
no.
you are nothing.
don't you remember?
i know you are trying to forget it.
but you can't.
it is a part of your soul.
"you are fat."
"you are stupid."
"you are ugly."
"we never should have had you."
"we would be better off without you."
"you are worthless."
come on even your own parents didn't want you.
didn't love you.
despised you.
you are nothing.
Yes.
I remember.
I've always remembered.
It has always been there.
Buried.
I remember.
"Take it all away."
"Make it stop."
"I could end it."
"Right now."
Pain.
Blood.
Scars.
No.
Not again.
I have to be of worth.
you are nothing.
i don't know why you keep fighting it.
you know i am going to win someday.
it will end in pain.
but it will end.
i will make you.
you are nothing.
NO!
I WON'T LET YOU!
Someone has to love me.
Someone.
Anyone.
You are of worth.
I am here.
Listen to me.
They do love you.
They all do.
You are of worth.
STOP!
you lie to her.
don't lie.
she knows in her heart.
she knows how they really feel.
You are of worth.
You know how they feel.
You are loved.
"I love you baby."
"You are the best."
"You are my soul mate."
"You rock."
"You make me so happy."
"You are the only one who understands me."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."
A friend's hug.
A lover's caress.
Love.
Remember.
This is how they feel.
Remember.
You are of worth.
I am of worth.
I am loved.
I am someone.
I am not nothing.
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| I'm Storm... WOOT!!! |
[31 May 2006|12:28pm] |
| You scored as Storm. |
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Storm is the seconday team leader of the X-Men. She has a peaceful personality but must be careful since her emotions control her powers. She loves gardening and is afaid of tight spaces. Powers: Control of the Weather
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Storm
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70% |
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Iceman
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65% |
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Jean Grey
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60% |
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Cyclops
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60% |
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Emma Frost
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45% |
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Gambit
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45% |
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Rogue
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45% |
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Wolverine
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40% |
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Beast
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40% |
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Colossus
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35% |
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Nightcrawler
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30% |
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http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=37497
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| Yay!!! |
[24 May 2006|03:18pm] |
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ecstatic |
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Well I got my final grades back for this semester. I am proud and happy to announce that I passed all of my classes! Yay!!! There were a couple of them that I wasn't sure about but I passed them all. I am so happy that I don't have to retake any of them cause they were some boring classes. Geh. Well I hope that everyone's summer is going well and that I get to spend lots of time with my friends. : ) *hugs*
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| Doctor Visit |
[19 May 2006|12:13pm] |
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Well I went back to the doctor yesterday. The first reason why I went was to have my blood pressure checked. I'm happy to report that it is back to normal and that I was most likely having a stressful week when it was too high. Yay!
The second reason why I went to the doctor is because my throat has been swollen to the point where I am having trouble swallowing for about a week. There is no soreness and that confused the doctor. So they did a Strep test. It came back negative. So they decided that I could have Mono. They took two tubes of blood from me and told me to come back today to get my results. So I got up today and went back to the Health Center. I don't have Mono (yay) but they still don't know what is wrong with my throat. The nurse and the doctor that looked at me both saw some abnormalities in the back of my throat. They gave me antibiotics to take, so hopfully they will do the trick. I am so tired of having to force my throat to swallow cause it can't seem to on it's own. But other than having a swollen throat I am feeling great and am super glad to be done with school this semester! Woot!
*hugs*
~I rise from the flames set to destroy me and take flight. I am Stronger Glorious Powerful Victorious.~
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| The Deer Club |
[16 May 2006|03:37am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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Well it is offical. I joined the Deer Club on Friday. As I was driving home from Friday Night Game Night (woot, a good time to be had by all!) two deer came running across the road. I tried to swerve and miss them but to no avail. I hit one with the right side of my car, between the lights and my passenger side door. I am ok and my car is drivable. I got a bad dent, a piece scraping on my tire, a missing turn signal and a pinched door that can't open. Plus this is an old car that we were planning on getting rid of so I can have a newer one. So we don't know if we should fix it or not. Le sigh this is just what I needed.
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| Sigh |
[29 Apr 2006|05:22pm] |
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mood |
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predatory |
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This is a vent/personal affrimation so if you don't want to read it then move on.
I really need to calm down. Honestly I let little things get me down so often that I just quit. I'm having a Geneva revolution. I am going to stop listening to what the re-re's of this world have to say and start telling them where to stick it. I just let a little incedent that really doesn't have much to do with me break my confidence for larp about 3 1/2 hours before it was time to play. I for about 20 minutes I didn't want to play at all. There was no real reason for me not to want to play except for some tension going on between some of the players. *sigh* Ok self affrimation starts now. Any people out there who want to bring the Neva down had better watch out cause I'm not going to let my feelings be walked on anymore. And to those out there who are worried about me, don't. I am going to be just fine. :)
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genovabomb's journal
tired